If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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