honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Randomize
