I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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