the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
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