nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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