I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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