Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
