now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
