worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
