I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
