Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
