I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
