...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
wanna go halves on a baby?
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
