i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
