the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
