My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
