After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
