I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Randomize
