Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
i will never coherently bang her
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
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