So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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