Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
