ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
