Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Semen is not good for contacts.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
