You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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