When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
