I wannas sexs uuuuu
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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