@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
