I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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