He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
