It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
home. puking in laundry basket.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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