We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
