my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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