the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
