Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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