i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
