My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Send help, water and tortillas.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
