Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
