I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
