Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Randomize
