If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
