Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
The best revenge is premature balding
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
