ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
sarcasm needs its own font
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
