are you so shy because you have an std?
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Randomize
