this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
She told me I should be a condom model.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
