Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
