Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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