Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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