2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
What happened to fro yo and sex?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
