Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
