My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
