Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Come see our sink grown plant.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
