The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
