Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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