I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
