Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
