sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
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just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I will be naked everywhere
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.