The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
Me, myself and I
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
These 21 People Came Up With Hilarious Excuses For Their Hickies
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?