worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
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They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
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He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?