youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
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I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
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my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.