ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
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