Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
