awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize
