At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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