I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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