had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I deserve to be covered in dicks
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
