Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize