you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
