Small penises have feelings too.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
