Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
